Walking In Between
by Vieux.Carre
Summary: When Spence is offered a tempting position away from the team, he and JJ must face what this means for them.
1. Chapter One

**Walking In Between**

* * *

"_The biggest human temptation is to settle for too little."  
_~ Thomas Merton ~

* * *

There are no harder words to find, than those meant to say goodbye.

For Spencer Reid, finding _these_ words - the _right_ words - was proving nearly impossible. After all, how do you find the words to say goodbye to six people who have meant everything to you for the last seven years?

He didn't know. Still. After two days of trying, Spencer Reid had finished only one of seven letters he'd been trying to write - his letter of resignation from the FBI.

He looked at his desk, bare except for a cup of coffee, a worn-looking envelope sitting off in the top corner of the desk, and then sitting before him, a single typed page, six blank papers, and seven envelopes - six of which bore only a name. _Hotch. Morgan. Rossi. Emily. Penelope. JJ._

On the surface, he'd hoped this would be easier. But in his heart, he knew, nothing would ever be as hard as this. He sighed at the thought. He contemplated his decision. Again. It was a never-ending cycle.

For the fourth time since sitting down, Reid looked at the letter that had arrived last week, marking the start of everything in his life changing.

* * *

_Office of __Dr. Jean-Lou Chameau  
California Institute of Technology  
January 16, 2012_

_Dr. Spencer Reid,_

_The California Institute of Technology is pleased to offer you a position of tenure as a professor in both the Division of Engineering and Applied Science and the Division of Physics, Mathematics, and Astronomy. It is a great pleasure to invite you to return to the campus that enjoyed watching your transformation into one of today's great minds, in hopes that you may one day enjoy watching a student emerge into prominence as we did with you. _

_Enclosed with this letter is an official offer, as well as documents pertaining to each position, including salary, grants, living options, and expenses. If you have any questions about this information, please contact my assistant Jamie Conway and she will direct you to whomever you need to speak to._

_The deadline to either accept or decline this offer is March 1, 2012. _

_Sincerely,_

_Dr. Jean-Lou Chameau  
President of California Institute of Technology_

* * *

In the end, finding the words for Hotch, Rossi, Morgan, Emily, and Garcia had been easy. In these six or seven years, these five people had become his family. And for that, he would always be thankful. And no matter how far away they were, he would always strive to be the man that they expected him to be. A man who would stand for what was right and moral. A man who would uphold the vow he'd taken at the tender age of 21. Fidelity. Bravery. Integrity.

Easy at least, compared to his final letter.

To JJ.

How could he explain this to her? To her son? Two and a half years ago, he'd promised that he'd always be there for the two of them. And now - now he was moving away. To Pasadena, California. Two thousand six hundred and sixty-four miles away.

He remembers, two days ago now, when he'd shown her the letter - and given her his letter to her.

"_Spence! Hey! What are you doing here?" She's all smiles today, holding the door open for him as he steps inside. _

"_Hey JJ. I uh, I needed to talk to you. About something." He pauses, glances around - looks for something that can delay this conversation for as long as possible. But, he thinks, then how would he decide what to do? He needs her advice. He can't put this off any long._

_Sitting on her sofa, he breathes deeply, pulling in every bit of courage he has in him. "It's actually kind of important. If you're not busy, that is."_

_She grins, but he can tell she's worried. Her eyes aren't as bright. "Sure Spence. We can talk. I was just taking advantage of Henry being at a friend's house for the afternoon to take care of some household chores. A distraction is more then welcome though."_

_He knows it worries her more, but he can't seem to look at her. Not while he tells her _this_. "You should um, sit down." he says, as he turns a bit, settling in so that he somewhat faces her._

_She does, sits down and curls up against the armrest with her feet under her and facing him, giving him her full attention. He wishes she hadn't._

_When they're both settled, he pulls out a weathered envelope (it looks like he had fingered it constantly, crinkling it nervously). Handing her the letter from inside, he begins..._

"_I received this in the mail about a week ago. At first, I thought it was just some fundraiser that they send out to alumni. I get one every so often. But when I opened it..." he pauses then. Collects himself. He doesn't know how to say this. Doesn't know how to tell _her_. _

_So he takes the cowards way out and just nods at the letter in her hands, signalling her to read the it for herself._

_It takes a few moments, but he can see the moment the words click. Can only watch as her fingers tighten around the paper, the way her knuckles turn white. Her back stiffens as she tenses. He can see the way her lips tighten into a smooth firm line._

_She's holding back tears by the time she reads the entire letter._

_It takes everything in him not to reach out to her. But he can't - not yet._

_He watches her though, for any hint of what's going through her head right now. Counts down the seconds, waiting for her to speak, or at least let him know that it's ok for him to do, or say _something_. _

"_Spence...what? What is this? Is this real? Are you even considering this?" she must see the way he grimaces, eyes downcast, unable to look at her. She figures that's her answer._

"_Why? Why would you even consider this? It would mean moving clear across the country! Leaving the FBI, the BAU, the _team._ Henry and me."_

"_I know that JJ. I _know_. Why do you think I've been so withdrawn lately? I know you've sensed it. Am I crazy to even be considering this? ...Maybe. But I'd be crazy not to. This is an amazing opportunity. To dismiss it out of hand? Without even thinking about it...I couldn't do that."_

_She seems to crumble at his words, collapsing in on herself. He reaches for her, wants to comfort her, hold her. He needs to fix this. But he can't, not really. Not when _he_ is the cause of it. He's what's hurting her._

_He's not quite sure how long they sat there, but it seems to last forever, and be over in the blink of an eye. But when she finally moves, she does so quickly. He almost thinks she'd been startled by something, the way she jumps up - but when she turns to him, he knows it wasn't that._

"_Look, you should go. I need to finish up a few things before I get Henry. But I uh... I hope you figure out what's right Spence. For you. You deserve this. You're right. It's a great opportunity."_

_He almost thinks she talking more to herself than to him._

_With nothing left to say (that he _can_ say), Spence nods and stands. _

_He's halfway to her door when he suddenly stops, turning back to her. He's not sure why he feels the need to confirm this to her - but he does._

"_Hey JJ...no matter what I decide, whether I go or not...I'll still always be here for you and Henry. Nothing can change that. If the two of you ever need me, I'm just a phone call away. Whether I'm 15 minutes away or 6 hours won't make a difference. After all, he's my favorite godson. And you're my best friend. I won't let anything get in the way of that."_

_She smiles a little at that, even through the veil of tears that she holds back but can't hide, and he's happy. At least for the moment... somehow his next words have the opposite effect though. Later, he'll realize that the letter, the sentiment, make her realize - he's leaving. Somewhere inside, he's made his decision. And it's not the one that will keep him here. With her._

"_I um...I wrote this, for you. Don't read it now, please. Just wait until I'm gone." His words seem to visibly cut her, slicing through the wall she'd erected, holding back her tears. They fell now, unencumbered, streaking lines down her cheeks._

"_I'm so sorry JJ. I know that doesn't fix anything...but I am truly sorry."_

_She stiffens then, and he can only watch as she slips behind the mask of indifference that protects her from the horrors of their - of _her_ job. _

"_Just go Spence. Please, just go..."_

_He nods. And then he leaves._

_She doesn't stop him. He wonders if he's irreparably broken the one relationship that means the most to him._

_He tells himself not to, but he looks back, just once, before he gets in his car and drives off._

_The sight of a sobbing JJ, opening his letter, is an image that would haunt him for a very long time._

* * *

_JJ,_

_Do you remember the night you were with me, that last time before Emily returned to us? We'd spent hours on my sofa, eating takeout and talking about anything and everything. You fell asleep by my side, and it felt like two strangers coming together, your hand in mind. _

_I remember perfectly the moment you woke up, your head resting gently against my shoulder and your hand still in mine. The way you smiled at me, this cute sleepy grin meant just for me, as if the entire world melted away for those few seconds. Even without an eidetic memory, I think I would've remembered those few moments for the rest of my life. Even now, all these months later, I sometimes wonder why we never came closer, when in that moment, it felt as if all the stars were aligned?_

_Sitting there, with you so close to me, and little Henry sleeping peacefully in the next room, it felt as if - just for a _moment_ - my life was finally right. _

_In my heart, I wish things could be different. But I've always relied on facts - not fiction. And this dream, no matter what I wish, is fiction. _

_I know that right now you're probably mad at me, and if you are I don't begrudge you that anger. But one day, when you're not so angry anymore...can you tell Henry about me? About all of the fun that we had together? Make sure that he never loses his imagination, his creativity, and his love of life. Make sure that he understands that this - my leaving - was never about him. I know what it's like to be abandoned - how it makes you feel like you're not _enough_. Don't let him ever think that he wasn't perfect. I'm the one that has something to fix. And I hope that one day you make sure he knows that - and that I will always be there if he needs me. No matter what._

_I have always, and will always, cherish your friendship Jennifer Jareau. You have been my guiding light for so long. I will never forget you and what you've meant to me, for all the days of my life._

_Thank you, for all that you've done for me. You'll always be my best friend JJ. _

_All of my love,_

_Spence_

_P.S. - I guess now, it will be even easier to get my little man into CalTech. Who knows...he might even be in one of my classes!_

* * *

**four days later...**

It had taken him almost three days to sort and pack his possessions. After almost two weeks spent weighing the pros and cons of accepting this offer, Reid feels as if things are finally accelerating. For as long as those few weeks had seemed to drag, the four days since he'd decided to accept CalTech's offer had seemed to passed in an instant. And now, standing in his mostly packed apartment, Spencer Reid felt as if he were forgetting something. _Or someone._

"Spence."

Her voice startled him. He hadn't been expecting anyone. Really, he hadn't been expecting _her_.

He turns towards his open front door, sees her standing there, arms wrapped around herself as if that will ward off the early February cold. "JJ, hey. What are you doing here?"

She doesn't answer, not right away. He watches her, takes in every ounce of her, there in his doorway. _Maybe for the last time._ He mentally shakes that thought away. He can't help but memorize the way she looks, arms still wrapped around her middle, clad in well-worn jeans, a black Henley and a black leather jacket. He even notices the black low-top Converse she wears _(a Christmas present from him, a joke after she'd spent the case before their Christmas leave teasing him about how his own pair seemed to be the only pair of shoes he owned. Really, they'd spent the prior two weeks on back to back away cases - and it was the only pair of shoes he'd brought with him.)_

Even dressed so casually, he couldn't help but think she looked gorgeous. That she always did.

The silence between the pair is starting to make Spence feel uncomfortable. When she finally steps into his almost-completely packed apartment and starts pacing, a look that's part anger and part hurt, he starts_ worrying._ He's seen this JJ before. It never ends well for the person it's aimed at. And right now, it's aimed at _him._

He stands there, not sure what to do. What to _say_. Because what _can_ he say? I'm sorry I'm leaving? He is. But it's still _his_ choice. _His _decision to leave. The team. Henry. Her. He shakes his head.

"I'm here because I deserve to know the truth. I deserve to know why you're giving up. Why you're leaving me! And Henry...and the team. You can't just write that letter...you can't _say_ those things and then leave. Not after everything we've been through together. You're my best friend Spence. And then one day you just decide you've had enough? That you're leaving the FBI, the team, D.C...Henry and me?"

"I like you. Even when I try not to, I like you. Seven years - it's a long time. And somehow, you still make me smile. Every day, all the time, _you_ make me smile..."

He doesn't move. Can't believe what he's hearing. Doesn't dare to believe that she's _really_ saying these things to _him_. Can't help they way he startles, or the shiver that races from his hand and up his spine when she grasps his hand in hers.

"You're my best friend Spence. And somewhere along the way, I realized something. I've always loved you. So many people think that the best loves are those that are immediate and electric. A spark that ignites, burns fast and hot." She lets go of his hand, taking a step back, turning to look out his window.

"But really, they're not. Because the faster and the hotter they burn, the quicker they go out." She lets out a deep, calming breath, glances back at him.

He must look like an idiot now, he can feel it. He's standing here, and she's saying _everything_ he's ever dreamed of her saying, and he's wide-eyed and slack-jawed. _He's imagining this, right?_

"JJ...I um... what are you saying, exactly?"

_He's going crazy. That must be it. Last minute daydreams before everything changes. _But it's real. She's real. And she's walking towards him now.

"You know, my mom used to tell me that there were way too many love songs. That all those people who sang about love, they'd gotten it wrong. She'd say that 'Life isn't the mountain tops. It's the walking in between.' And I realized something, after I read your letter. She was right. Life, and love, isn't about that one moment. It's the journey. It's the walking in between. And I've always liked when you were the one walking next to me. I like _you. _And I love you. I'm _in_ love with you."

He can't help it - the deep tearful laugh that erupts from deep inside. Can't help when he grabs her hands in his, pulls her to him. Can't help it when he wraps his arms around her, holding onto her for dear life.

"I like you too, Jennifer Jareau. Always."

* * *

"_Love is our true destiny. We do not find the meaning of life by ourselves alone - we find it with another."  
_~ Thomas Merton ~

* * *

**A/N**: All information pertaining to CalTech up to and including the departments mentioned in this story are factual. Dr. Jean-Lou Chameau served as President of the university from 2006 until his departure in 2013. Whether or not someone would be offered positions in two different departments is entirely made up. Although I'm sure someone with Reid's resume and connections to the school could be given such an offer. Otherwise, it's all fiction!

Finally, this story was vaguely inspired by a couple songs. One verse of Mads Langer's song "Fact-Fiction" - which can be found weaved into Reid's letter to JJ. And most of JJ's speech comes from Ben Rector's song "I Like You".


	2. Chapter Two

"_You always have two choices: your commitment versus your fear_."  
~ Sammy Davis, Jr. ~

* * *

Every day we face two choices. We can either do something - or not.

Today, JJ faced something worse - Spence's choice. Because even after everything that they had shared, he still had a decision to make. Stay or go.

But there were so many things still left unsaid. Part of her wanted to tell him every single reason he had to stay. _(Her. Henry. Them. Family.)_ She knew that doing that wasn't fair. Part of her didn't care.

The other part of her, the part that was still considering their friendship, knew that in the end it had to be _his_ decision. Not hers.

Standing here, wrapped in his arms, made her wish that they could just stay in this moment, frozen. Where nothing could touch them, and it would just be the two of them. Wrapped up in each other, and their love for one another. Finally.

But they world didn't work that way. No matter how much she wished it did.

"I don't know what to do JJ. This, us, means everything to me. The relationships I have here - with the team, and Henry, and _you_ - are the best things to ever happen to me. How do I walk away from that?"

"Spence, no matter what you decide, you'll still have us. All of us. We'd make it work. But this has to be _your_ decision. I can't tell you what to do…"

"Can we pretend that nothing else matters? Just for a little while. It's just you and me...and I have to make this decision that can change everything - and I don't know what to do Jayje. Yes, this is an amazing opportunity. But so is working in the BAU. So is my teaching position at the FBI National Academy."

"Spence...does the team know?"

"Hotch does. I had to tell him. At first, I didn't even consider it. Ignoring the fact that the position is in _California_, I love my job at the BAU. I love the people I work with. And I love the fact that I'm helping people."

Taking his hand, she could only smile at him. Knowing that, the best thing she could do for him right now, was to _be there_. And to let him talk himself through this. No matter how hard that may hurt her in the end, it was what she had to do. Because he was her best friend, first and always. "So, what changed?"

"Heh. A phone call, actually. My friend Liam, he was an undergrad in the engineering department while I was doing my PhD work but we were both only 18. I helped TA a couple classes for my professor - and he was in one of the freshman classes. Both from Las Vegas, I guess you can say we connected. Turns out he's an associate professor at CalTech now. He'd heard I was offered the position and called to ask me when I'd be moving out there."

Back then, before Gideon had approached me about joining the BAU, the only question I had about my future was which department I'd choose to teach in. I guess I surprised him when I said I wasn't even sure if I _was_ considering the position. But he reminded me how, for so long, this was what I wanted. More than anything."

Hanging his head, Spence looked _tired_. "I just need some time JJ. I know that you can't tell me what to do. As much as I wish you could - this has to be my decision. For every reason you said. But I don't think I can do that, I don't think I can fairly weigh each option if you're here. Because you're one of the only reasons I didn't accept the offer as soon as I got it."

Squeezing his hand, she thought about what stood before them. "I get it Spence. I understand. No matter how much I want to beg you to stay - because I _do_ - I won't. It wouldn't be fair. So how about you just promise me the moment you decide, you'll let me know? Either way - Henry and I will always be here for you. Whether you're still here in DC or if you're in California. Ok?"

He seemed to be rendered speechless, because he could only nod.

JJ didn't know what else to say. What was there _to_ say? So, she did the only thing she could - she kissed his cheek and left without looking back.

* * *

It's almost two in the afternoon when her doorbell rings. Henry's asleep - and while normally he sleeps the sleep of the dead - she doesn't want to risk waking him so she jogs to the door, murmuring a quiet "Just a second…" before their guest can ring the bell again. Somehow, she's surprised when she sees Spence on the other side of the door.

It'd been three days since she'd left his apartment, and they hadn't spoken. No phone calls, no texts. He'd asked for time - to think - and she'd given it.

She's not quite sure how long she stood there, watching him. She breaks out of her reverie though, and greets him. "Hey Spence. Come in."

"Hey. I hope it's okay that I'm here. I just - when I finally figured some things out, I couldn't not tell you anymore. So here I am."

She couldn't help but grin at how _nervous _he looked. And how he was making _her_ feel nervous. One way or another - everything was about to change. She heads him to the couch, signals for him to sit beside her, but he declines. Instead, he paces before her. With a grin she can't help but think, _Back and forth. Back and forth. At this rate, he just might wear a hole in my carpet before he even starts._

She was about about say that it was ok - she hadn't been doing anything _(well, besides impatiently waiting for any kind of contact from him)_ - but he didn't give her the chance.

"The work I do here, with the team, it's important. Looking back, I could have left when Gideon did. I've always had offers. But being here - it's the right place for me. This is the right team, the right people. But it's not the reason I'm staying. I spent these last three days trying to predict every possible outcome - my future. And do you know what one thing was constant in every single permutation I could think up? You. And Henry."

At his words, she finally lets the tears fall. She can't contain them anymore - doesn't want to. He doesn't seem to notice, because he goes on.

"I realized that the only thing I need to make me happy - is you. You and Henry, you've become my family. And that's something that I've never really had before. Not really."

He finally stops pacing, takes in her tear-stained cheeks, and the sunshine smile that graces her lips.

He can only watch her as she stands up, and moves to stand right in front of him. Watches as she reaches for him, bringing his hands from his side to rest in hers, their fingers interlocking on their own.

He can't help himself when he releases one of her hands to push the stray lock of hair that's fallen in her face behind her ear, or how he caresses her cheek as he pulls back.

And when she leans into his hand, he can't help wrapping his other arm around her waist and leaning his forehead on hers.

He thinks he could spend forever like this, with her in his arms.

And then he feels her hand on his cheek, feels the way she gently cradles him, bringing him closer to her. Can't help when his eyes snap open, taking her in. The way she watches him, studies him. The way her eyes move across his face, from his eyes to his nose to his lips.

As one, she leans up to him. He tilts down towards her.

When their lips meet, it's gentle. At first, they simply taste each other. The sweet, gentle press of lips, soft and tender.

It only lasts a moment, but feels like _forever._ When she pulls back, she can't help but laugh at the grin on his face. Nor can she help it when she kisses it away.

This time, his kiss is fire for her soul. It's a spark, unlike anything she's ever felt before.

"I love you. I've always loved you JJ. And I promise I'll love you for forever. As long as you'll have me. You and Henry."

"I love you too Spence."

She tugs on his tie, bringing him back to her lips. This time, as he kisses away her sunshine smile, she doesn't let him go for a long while.

* * *

**end.** (for real this time!)

* * *

**A/N**: I hope you've enjoyed this addition to Walking In Between. As the first JJ/Reid story I wrote, it holds a special place in my heart. Also, a special thanks to **aMUSEment345** - not only for her amazing stories (if you haven't read them, forget this story and _run_ and read those stories. They're amazing!) - but for her creating JJ's _sunshine smile_. I hope you don't mind that I borrowed it! 'Til next time y'all.


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